Things have been rough these past few weeks. I was struck with a mystery illness that the doctors haven't identified, and they tell me it will probably go away and I'll never know what it was. I'm not satisfied with this explanation, and so the hunt for a clear diagnosis continues.
It really hit my training hard. There were days when it was all I could do to drift around the house. Chi kung was my limit for a while. I did a lot of
five elemental chi kung (
wu xing qigong) and meditation around breathing. When I made it back to tai chi classes with my Sensei I was always exhausted half-way through.
There was a question looming over me. "Will I ever be the way I was two months ago? Are my have hard earned martial arts abilities gone?" There was another, more sinister question hiding behind the more obvious ones. "Should I give up?"
The answer is, of course, no. To put it in the positive, I can be as good as I was a while ago, and my abilities will come back. I will not give up. People can either be negative or they can be awesome. I'm trying for awesome.
And yet the questions lurked behind me, nagging me. So I did what any sensible martial artist would do. I drew my sword.
In the martial arts of China and Japan, the sword is wedded with concepts metaphysical concepts. There is the notion of the sword of truth which cuts through ignorance and illusion. In my case, the illusion of hopelessness and weakness. On a more mundane level, the desire to be skillful with the sword is one of the reasons I started the martial arts journey in the first place. Remembering why I started down that road has helped me to keep going.
If you're getting stuck in something, about to quit, remember the inspiration that put you there in the first place. It may be that it's time to give up and announce the situation a lost cause. Or you may find that you want to achieve your goal more than ever, and are willing to do what it takes to get there.
Or you could just draw your sword and wave it around like a madman. I find that helps.
(I chose that picture, by the way, because I want the sword at the top, the
heaven and earth sword, but the folks at WudangDao.com don't seem to have them in stock anymore. Now
that would be inspirational.)